Loving Souls Pathway

What About Christmas

2011-12-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

Oh, the childhood memories I recall now that Mom is gone...

In second grade I read about St. Nicholas, the tall bearded man carrying a large cloth bag who handed out gifts to poor children every Christmas even during blizzards. I could not wait to retell this story to my mother, but she said we could talk about it later. I cornered her as she was cutting up vegetables for dinner, "Mom, you know St. Nicholas is Santa Claus, right?" I held my breath and waited.

She put down her knife, wiped off her hands, and looked at me. Her face looked only serious, "Jesus' birth is the reason we celebrate Christmas."

"But was St. Nicholas really Santa?," I wanted to know.

She picked up her knife and a carrot, and turned back to the counter: "St. Nicholas was the first Santa Claus, and the present day Santas in the department stores are his helpers." Then she sighed, "Go do your homework; I have to make dinner."

With bible readings at school and Mass, and her words, I concluded that Christmas was a holiday because of the long ago birth of Jesus Christ in a cow manger in Bethlehem, lit by a huge star so shepherds and kings could find Him. Yet it was hard to resist the delightful storybooks and television specials about Santa Claus, which highlighted presents as the reason for the season. My mother reminded us every year, making sure the tiny, beautiful Baby Jesus figurine appeared in our Nativity creche on Christmas morning.

Still, every year I would go to sleep on Christmas Eve with that queasy feeling in my tummy-- gift anticipation. In the pre-dawn light I awoke to her words echoing. Before I got up I prayed, "Thank you God for Jesus." As I ran down the hallway, I willed myself to look for Baby Jesus before I looked under the tree.

May wonderful childhood memories be with you this holiday season. May you recall not the names of Santa's reindeer but the story of the first Christmas. May you be like the Magi following a new, ever-bright star. May you embrace that sacred light within, as it rekindles God's loving flame in your hearts.

Blessings and joy to you all!

A Lesson from My Mother

2011-11-16T15:06:00.000-08:00

One lesson I learned from my mother Eloise is to continue to love, no matter what.

"I want everyone to love each other," I heard her say countless times. Once, after several years of her illness, I asked her what she prayed for. "I ask God to help us love one another."

Each other meant her family-- Eloise's Joe, husband since Fall 1941 (my father), her children (7) and spouses, grandchildren (16), and great-grandchildren (5 so far), and each of our extended families (not to mention the surviving members of her generation, like her dear brother Gordon who phoned her nearly every day). She delighted in every phone call, ending each with "I love you."

As she moved from independent to immobile, conversations included more of her recollections, and in the telling they seemed as real as any moment. Such were her welcome escapes from life from a bed.

She reconciled herself to not being in charge of anything but her feelings and her thoughts. She sent others get-well wishes, birthday greetings, and thank-you cards. When she could no longer manage to do them longhand or via email, she enlisted Dad and others to help. She wrote many inspirational notes and stories; my father and brother are still discovering them weeks after her death.

Upon her death, folks who saw or heard from Mom regularly while she was ill shared their gratitude for her loving acts. One friend said, "There she was obviously in pain and stuck in that bed, yet she had me laughing before I left. Your Mom was special." Another marveled that Mom was sending out get well cards to people who had not ever visited her during her long confinement, "She was such a good example, and one of the kindest people I know."

"Continue to love, no matter what," is indelibly imprinted on my heart. As Eloise's daughter, I am about loving on purpose.

We Witnessed Love's Miracle

2011-10-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

May everyone who reads this be able to witness the miracle of love as my family did before my mother's passing. Mom long spoke of what she wanted to happen when it came her time to go. Somehow it turned out as she wished.

She wanted her seven children and her husband of nearly 70 years to surround her bedside. (That my three sisters and two brothers managed to get there on such short notice is amazing. One brother has been living with my folks, and I made the shortest trek from Phoenix to Oro Valley near Tucson.)

We were all there with Mom and Dad for more than a day. After hours of visiting one of my sisters asked if Mom wanted us to leave the room so she could rest. Mom mouthed "No" and shook her head slightly. My sister then asked if she wanted us to stay close so she could hear us talking with each other, and Mom shook her head "Yes."

She wanted Last Rites and the new Pastor of my parent's parish, Father Larry, was already in the hospital ward when the nurse offered to call for a priest.

She wanted to hear a favorite song as she did in the 1930's, not a remake but the original. My youngest brother had somehow found it. In a time of few words, her thankful "Wow" moved all of us.

She loved ice cream, and near the end we each gave her a bite of her favorite, vanilla.

She did not ask us, but three of us sang "Amazing Grace" for her. Dad asked me to read exerpts from Mom's book entitled "A Rose in My Coffee Cup." My sister Cari even sang some old Western songs, ones our mother might have heard on the ranch as a child.

One by one her beloved children and husband of nearly 70 years got the chance to kiss her goodbye with oft-trembling lips. Never were our offerings of "I love you" so poignant.

I was able to remind my mother, whispering in her ear as she drifted in and out, about the dream I had about her months earlier.

She and I were walking on dirt road in a beautiful green-hilled park. I had my arm under her elbow to steady her, as her spine was already bent way forward. We talked about the beautiful day, the singing birds, and warm sunshine. Then she stopped and squeezed my arm. "You must go back now," she said. "What?" I asked incredulously. "You can't go with me," she said firmly as she released my hand. I knew to obey her, and turned around. Yet curiosity got the best of me, and I turned back to watch her. Her back straightened, her hair turned from white to black, and her bedroom duster changed into a stylish dress like she wore in the 1940's. From the right her youngest sister Jean came down the grassy hill to join her, then from the left came her sister Lucille (both years gone). The three linked arms and headed towards a rise in the road, talking animatedly. Over the rise came their mother, my beloved Grandma. They all hugged and disappeared over the hill. I ran up the grassy hill on the right to see where they went. Below, in a wide valley, were more than a hundred picnic tables. People dressed in period clothing sat enjoying a picnic. As Mom, her sisters, and mother walked up everyone stood up and began to clap. Some I recognized like her Aunty Kathryn, her father, Mom's dear Aunt and Uncle, her beloved cousins and her Granny came over to hug her. (end of dream)

I asked Mom that last day if she remembered me telling her about that dream. She shook her head "yes" and smiled. I told her that could be how heaven is, and soon she would know if it were. Then I kissed her hand and cheek. Her eyes told me goodbye. I ran to my husband Mick's waiting hug.

On Sunday evening at 7 o'clock on September 4th, Mom left earth. Three days later at her graveside, at my father's request, I shared my dream and her smile after my sister Cari read her own beautiful tribute.

And it was all as Mom hoped, as loving as ever.

"No More"

2011-08-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

Per request, here is one of my favorite pieces. I wrote this to challenge the way I had been living, as a victim. These words became proof that I had survived, moved on, and was learning to be mentally and emotionally healthy.

NO MORE

No shadow figures lurking

No demons in the mirror

No fear in living alone

No risk in old mementos

No pain in my eyes

No catch in my breath

No hesitation in my voice

No weakness in my walk

No going back to before

No more

Our Hummingbird

2011-07-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

Amazingly, a ruby-throated hummingbird has taken to resting on a tree branch inches away from our office window. That the tree is artificial only deepens the mystery. (We use the tree as a natural-looking privacy screen.) Close by are pines and palms, which seem much more inviting. Mick and our cat Iris delight in watching this tiny creature. When Mick decided the bird would make regular visits, he filmed it and named it "Harry."

We have lived here nearly five years and no bird or other has claimed the green/plum tree as their own. Harry's has been coming every afternoon for three weeks now. Every intrigued by close encounters of the animal kind, I reread the hummingbird piece in Ted Andrews' Animal Speak (Llewellyn Publications 2003). In his depiction of each creature's significance, Mr. Andrews drew from the traditions of Native Americans, and other cultures about the symbology and sacredness of all beings.

This time, Harry's visit seemed to be especially for Mick. According to Mr. Andrews, "Hummingbirds are master architects. They build their homes with great care and design... If the hummingbird has taken up residence in [with] you, you may wish to redecorate." (Page 159.) The weekend of Harry's first visit, Mick had begun his latest home project of organization and design; rearranging our furniture, art, and accessories.

Each time a bird of other creature shows up unexpectedly, I am also inspired by this advisory: "But ask the beasts, and they will teach you."(Old Testament/Job 12:7) I choose to ask, often in prayer, what lessons the latest encountered creature is here to teach me. I have loved and learned from visits from a Blue Heron, a Turkey Vulture, various butterflies, different ducks, Hummingbirds, a Red Fox, a baby Bobcat, two Dolphins twice in one summer and on different coasts, a Border Collie, and multiple Harris Hawks.

Ode to Harry
The joy is real
It is what I feel
As I spy on you
So still and true
You are a gift
Meant to uplift
To remind and teach
That I should reach
Into my very heart
And consider what part
Needs humming to heal
Honor life's sacred wheel

For Those On Their Way Through

2011-06-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Oh my, so much is happening to so many people I care about... Here is just one example.

My husband reconnected with a childhood buddy two years ago, and has so enjoyed their rekindled friendship. His friend unexpectedly stopped responding to phone calls, emails and texts. Months went by, and then his friend sent an email explanation--that he has colon cancer.

Mick knew to wait as much as he knew I would write something especially for his friend. I pray it helps.

On My Way Through

Weeks of considering
The weight of news
That all is not well
In this body of mine
I pray for so much

Days of requesting
The way I can cope
Through whatever occurs
In this body of mine
I pray for God's healing

Hours of praying
The comfort is real
Their love and support too
In my heart I discover
I know Love's healing touch

Moments of rejoicing
The truth of what matters
The gift we each receive
In this time I have peace
I am on my way through

A Diet of Loving Words

2011-06-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

The food we eat physically changes our bodies, painfully illustrated in the 2004 documentary "Super Size Me" about a man who ate only fast food for a year. Some food for thought, what if we feed our selves and others a diet of loving words? I believe our bodies, minds, and spirits would benefit.

More than a year ago, my friend Jennifer Linder-Anderson advised me to say, "Bless your heart" to someone who regularly went off around and at me. Up until that moment I had spent my energy trying not to let those verbal tirades get to me, and it was not working.

Offering that phrase instead of reacting to that person's negativity has changed things for me. Yes, it took time, effort and patience but I have made a habit of thinking/saying "Bless your heart" with all my heart. A wonderful lesson on my healing quest-- Thank you, Jennifer.

Just Words

"Bless your heart"
Not so easy to say
In prayer, with time
These words flow
Like a natural spring

"Bless your heart"
A loving thing to say
In all times, and situations
These words impact
Like a healing balm

Dearest Friend

2011-05-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

Dearest Friend,

I ache because of what you are going through. There is so much I want to say, but I offer only what I hope gives you comfort and encouragement.

One of my favorite Bible quotes, which I fell in love with during a dark night of my soul, is:
[2 Timothy 1:7]

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

I have researched this, meditated on this, and let it dwell in my heart until I comprehended what how it applies to me. I had been living in a state of fear, not caused so much from others (although they contributed some mighty blows) but more my wounded ego's spin. I was afraid to go forward (e.g. leave the past behind) because I might recreate the same scenario where I felt trapped, misunderstood, invisible and powerless. I recall telling a friend that I could not do differently until I knew what else to do. She said I already knew.

Think of the freeing power of trusting that we are NOT meant to live in a spirit of fear.

I discovered it is not only okay, but required to let imagination fly to picture our selves transforming. I saw my broken spirit-heart and spirit, my confused and weary mind, and my comatose soul lying prostrate on the floor of my inner being. I looked like blackened ruins, and as I prayed for transformation I saw my Self being healed by God's unconditional love. From those ashes the true "Me" arose, my Soul reclaiming its purpose.

I felt reconnected to something ancient and timeless, a collective of loving Souls and I was one of them! I then asked my Soul-Self what was the one thing that mattered in this earth life. I don't know what your Higher Self's answer is, but for me it was to be where I could love and be loved.

Your answer will empower you, with the infinite and most loving power of God as your Source and Destination--God is our eternal, unfailing Guide.

Somehow, some way, as I accepted that God created me with a highest-good purpose in mind, I saw the prices I paid and the suffering I endured because I had stopped believing that God loves me unconditionally. As Martina McBride sings, "God is the only house big enough for all the pain in the world." God's love is mighty, and when we imagine ourselves in the light of that love, humbly accepting all our flaws and choosing to let God's love heal and empower, we can then begin to feel the power of God's love within us. We can begin to live in that Love.

From that place of loving acceptance, our minds can become sound. Our minds can rest and then heal. We can move beyond fear-based confusion, procrastination, and historical ego complexes that prevent us from discovering and fulfilling the wondrous things we are meant to do.

While in the midst of this healing process I found another quote that went straight to my soul-heart, and I think you too will resonate: "Creativity is the language of the Soul." (Carl Jung)

Our minds, when imagining, are soul-speaking. How distancing and debilitating to our divinely created Souls when our imaginings are directed by our fearful egos. Ego craves status quo, finding its power in sameness. The Soul opens to unlimited options when directed and nourished by God's love.

The mind is wired to work with either source of knowing--I do not want to go back to being solely ego-driven (although that is a life-long battle). Courtesy of Imagination, my Soul has swam (and met other Soul-kin), in the collective sea of Inspirational Light, its source the eternal well of God's infinite and almighty Love.

Spend some time in that sacred ocean, and you will discover the blessing you are to this world, and how to fulfill that blessing.

Love,
LS Marie

Taking It In

2011-05-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

Before I left Phoenix for Jessica's happily anticipated Master's graduation, long-time customers and co-workers offered, "Congratulations and enjoy..." Yesterday, I returned from experiencing 47 of 48 hours of gratitude and enjoyment! (The exception hour I will write about another time.)

The Vilven family (Shana, her parents Patti and Bob, and her sibs Nikki and Brian), all came with proud smiles on their faces. They, her father Wade, and I are long-time witnesses to Jessica on stage. From her dancing days with The Young San Diegans, to high school and college degree ceremonies, we have been treated to some wonderful "Jessica" performances.

Newer in her life yet there for her as only loved ones can be, were her boyfriend Paul, his mother, sister, nephews, and brother. I turned several times to look at Paul, and the joy in his eyes mirrored mine.

Jessica confided later that with so many attending she had concerns about besting the other times, so we would not be bored. No chance of that, Daughter!

We were delighted to see Jessica's name on the list of gradation speakers. She and another graduate are the first SDSU Sociology Master's to give a speech, previously only one outstanding Bachelor's recipient was allowed. As one of Jessica's mentor professors said, "Think about it, you have changed things for this master's program and all those to come."

Jessica began by looking at her fellow graduates and saying she could not help but feel the amazing love in that auditorium, and that she felt blessed by what she received from her professors and fellow students.

Up in the audience, I savored her every word and gesture, her every glance and smile. I knew that she was nearly overcome by the love and joy she was feeling. I knew that she had given, and would continue to give, her best to students and teaching associates.

In the theater of my mind, I replayed the many times I have sat or stood by while she was on stage. And I was nearly overcome with joy as I recalled the back story of all those moments. The wonder of being her mother, of loving her, teaching her, praying for her, and enjoying her. There I was, gratefully taking it in.

No Wonder

Jessica has told me
Love includes being invested
In another's everyday life
No wonder I love her

Jessica has thanked me
For giving her my best
My love, stories, and more
No wonder I love her

Jessica has challenged me
To spread my wings and fly
As she continues to do
No wonder I love her

Jessica has shared with me
Her dreams to make a difference
That we decide choice by choice
No wonder I love her

Here But Away

2011-05-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
   It has been a while, I have been here but away just the same. My mind's awhirl with changes in nearly every area of my life. I am in the midst of assessing and processing.
   I spent a week with my parents while my live-in brother attended his younger daughter's college graduation. I felt as if caught up in a Greek tragedy, yet I came home with a tremendous sense of gratitude that I had the time I had with them.
   Mom continues to thrive in her tiny world of one bed, one cell phone, one vantage point, and one favorite food-ice cream. After six years of pain medication, her memory and ability to follow conversations is waning. She mixes up, or makes up what she cannot remember, much of what we tell her. She clings to her one lament, that others do not see how sick she feels.
   Dad's legs have lost almost all of their strength and sensation. When we came back from his requested errand run, he told me that he will no longer drive and that he likes to stay home because he knows where to reach when he starts to fall. So hard for a man who loved to travel internationally and soared as an instructor of small airplane pilots. He seemed present mentally, with less confusion and forgetfulness than on my previous visits.
   One of my sisters is having eye surgery June 1st, one last attempt to save her sight. It could go either way. My oldest brother has a slow-growing skin cancer, a more serious type than before. His surgery is set for late June. My oldest and youngest sisters both recently fell, one at home and another in a store--blessedly avoiding serious injury. My siblings and I are facing beyond middle-age, wow.
   Tomorrow my daughter is graduating from SDSU with her Masters of Sociology. Jessica has already procured a part-time teaching position at a San Diego university. I am flying out in the morning and spending the night at her and her boyfriend's new place-one with a Pacific view. I used to walk the beaches of San Diego when I was pregnant with her; guess she fell in love with the big Blue before birth. I was already in love.

That May Not Be

I am still here
But I feel away
Wishing for time
That may not be

I am glad to feel
All that I do
Hoping for more
That may not be

I cannot change it
The way time flies
Praying for moments
That may not be

I ache for one thing
That we meet en masse
Celebrating togetherness
Trust that may be

The Best Scenario

2011-04-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

I watched a customer's face struggling to describe her frustration. "It's all too much," she said tearfully, "I can't catch a break." She lost one job due to allergy issues and her current employer had just moved her from a "safe zone" into an area with the same exposures. She then added a litany of other events that made this one feel the final straw. Then (for me) her invitation, "I don't know what to do to get through this."

"This is something you think about day and night?" I asked.

"I can't stop thinking about it. I 'm hardly sleeping," she responded.

"I want you to try something. Imagine yourself in the future; think of the best scenario for you. What would that job be, and how would you feel doing it. Spend a few minutes every day imagining that job; sit it with it, expand it, and get very detailed. If nothing else, you'll be giving yourself a break, and a chance to experience joy."

She gave me a half-smile, "That sounds good; I could try that."

The Best Scenario

It's a habit, second nature
Concentrating on what's wrong

My past held me hostage
I prayed to God, "No More"

Homeless and on the road
I day-dreamed a new home

I saw a courtyard garden
With cooking herbs and flowers

I saw an east-facing bedroom
Adjacent to my own library

I saw a perfect back patio
With an endless horizon view

I chose colors and design
Then I imagined living there

I haven't built that house yet
It remains a comforting tale

God gifted us with imagination
Let yourself go, dream a little

Spend some joyful minutes
Imagining your best scenario

What I Offer

2011-04-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
Thank you for continuing to share my out-takes on the road of earth-life. Some of you have requested more words of encouragement. Times like these, with the news broadcasting disaster after disaster, we pray for good news or at least the potential for it. Yet I cannot miss that daily conversations seem to spotlight only what is going badly. What if today, together, we decide to change focus? Imagine the impact if we intend to highlight what is good and holy in others and ourselves.
I believe that every human has something momentous to offer others. That something is always within us, implanted before birth, revealing itself as we practice our intentions to love. It is through Divine Love that we are created, and thus it is in loving with every fiber of our being that our true essence comes to fruition. With our very first intention to offer love unconditionally, life changes for the better.

What I Offer

Oh God help me offer

Something sacred and pure

To counter the negatives

Nourishing our love

Oh God let me offer
Something that is holy
To everyone I meet
Revealing your Love

Oh God help me offer
Something to bring hope
To those with heavy hearts
Buoying our love

Oh God let me offer
Something visibly good
To all I interact with
Fulfilling your Love

Celebrating Amidst Blessings

2011-04-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

I thought about this decade-beginning birthday for a long time beforehand, wanting to make the celebration memorable. My daughter Jessica had been texting Mick for weeks, so I looked forward to at least one big surprise. To say the least, my expectations were exceeded. What I felt as we left for San Diego (our first stop of 3) was an almost overwhelming sense of gratitude and loving anticipation.

The desert gifted its first of spring flowers, mostly yellow and blue. The weather changed from pre-summer hot (100 degrees near El Centro) to ocean cool (73 degrees) by the time we entered Shelter Island at 2:30 p.m. Jessica joined us on a sunny balcony as we toasted life and love. That evening we went to Old Town San Diego, meeting her boyfriend Paul at a long-favorite outdoor Mexican restaurant. While a mariachi band serenaded, we soaked up being together.

Next morning we met at a restaurant in Pacific Beach that I remembered from another visit (circa 2002). Then I was between jobs and homes, and unsure about my future. Jessica and her childhood friend Shana treated me to a sumptuous meal on a rooftop patio; breakfast came with a huge dose of their faith in me. In honor of my birthday, Shana joined us once again at The Broken Yolk. Loving memories mixed well with best wishes of the day and still-awesome food.

Mick and I headed north, driving though Cardiff-by-the-Sea. We searched out the house where my family lived when I was born six decades earlier. To our delight, the current owner invited us in. I got to stand in the kitchen where my high chair stood as my mother fed me. I got to see the callo lilies that my folks had planted (the ones I drew when I was beyond words at a loved one's passing). It was time-bending.

Saturday evening we met my sister Cari and her husband Bruce, my brother Gary and his wife Bin, and Jessica and Paul at a seaside restaurant called Las Brisas (Laguna Beach). For the record it is aptly named, the cool breeze is ceaseless. Our table view included their rose garden and the vast Pacific. Jessica gave me a faux rhinestone-sapphire tiara, and a candy rock-ring because I was queen for the day. Then the waiter came with 8 glasses and a bottle of imported champagne, announcing that it was a gift from Sherrie (my oldest sister) and Doug. To my surprise and delight Jessica produced her laptop and played a video toast from Sherrie and Doug in Ohio! Oh the blessing of modern technology.

Then Mick lifted his glass with a most loving toast. I saw everyone's eyes filled with love and joy before my eyes teared up. I waited a long time for such a priceless moment.

The presents I received were so me...Jessica and Paul gave me handsomely framed photos from times past, a beautiful album with historic (of hers and my relationship) photos, and another happy-tears card. Cari and Bruce gave me an antique black-rose broach, high-end wrinkle serum (she favors reality checks) and a striking cross pendant (silver on black) to honor my journey. Gary and Bin gave me a fuchsia blouse from China (Bin is from Beijing), detailed with colored stripes on white piping--beautiful.

Mick waited until last. Then he hands me a jewelry box. As I open it he says, "I wanted to give you something that can be a family heirloom, something to one day give your granddaughter hopefully." As he said it, Jessica laughed and turned towards Paul, "No pressure there..." Inside was a thick silver strand and a rare green turquoise pendant. Simply breathtaking. Mick explained that he and the Native American shopkeeper had gone through most of his selection before choosing. As Mick told him about me he began to eliminate pieces one at a time until there were only 3 left. By then, Mick knew the one.

I toasted everyone as a thank-you (wish I had all the toasts memorized).

Our next stop was the Grand Canyon. I had not been there since the 80's, Mick since childhood. The weather was cold but clear, and our camera shutters clicked for hours. The canyon's panorama is rapturous, humbling and ennobling. After we enjoyed the IMAX canyon film, I thought our celebration had concluded. Mick had one last surprise.

As we stopped for a snack, in the village parking lot, Mick hugs me and says: "You know how you always talk about going to a Bed 'n Breakfast? Well, I made reservations for one in Cottonwood tonight, and a wine-tasting too. Happy Birthday Marie." I could not speak I was so happy in the love I felt.

And so we went to Annabel's Inn, in historic Cottonwood Arizona. That is a story in itself.

To my Readers, I have one wish: "That you may feel the joy of life, the gratitude and awe I know. Such are the blessings when celebrating love."

Gifts of a Birthday

2011-03-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I began a new decade... and I am smack in the middle of one beautiful celebration!

Family and friends continue to send birthday greetings, and I can feel the love each sends. I treated my self to some alone time to consider this decades special vow. Reviewing the last ten years brought to mind even more reasons I am grateful.

When I am commemorating, I feel connected to something vast and mysterious. I feel I have dipped just one foot into that eternal river of sacred abundance. There is so much more to find and appreciate. Somewhere, sometime, somehow I was given the role of celebrator. I am only too happy to accept.

Gifts of a Birthday

Can you think of a better time
To count your blessings
Than on the day commemorating
Life as you know it

Can you think of a better way
To convey your appreciation
Than to celebrate unabashedly
Those glad you were born

Can you think of better reason
To reaffirm your "you-ness"
Than all the loving wishes
Sent only this special day

When I Felt the Earth Move

2011-03-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

*** Update: The devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan happened after I wrote this blog. The earthquake I referred to is one representing a personal and foundational transition. My heart and prayers go out to all who suffered through and lost loved ones in northern Japan. LS Marie ***

The first time I felt the earth move beneath my feet, my sister Cari and I were walking in the hills above her home in Glendale, California. I asked if she had felt the ground shaking. She looked over at me, "Really? I didn't feel anything. Think it was an earthquake?"

Shades of the movie Phenomenon? Not exactly. So many years I allowed my self to feel only when I was imagining what I my life could be, or when writing about past experiences such as childbirth, back and neck injuries, and surgery upon surgery. That morning as we hiked down a hill, I could not deny the intense sensation of earth moving under me. But it was not the ground that was shifting... I was.

So my journey towards wellness took a turn, and I gratefully prayed to experience how it feels to be alive, in-the-moment. Through meditation, therapeutic massage, Reiki sessions, and heart-pounding exercise, I have learned to be body present.

Body Present

How wonderful to know
I am tired on purpose
My sweat pouring

Who would have thought
I came back with a quake
My ah-hah moment

What a strange sensation

I can feel muscles between

My hips and ribs

When chosen no matter

I decided to work into

My templed gift

Why not, I breathe
I am delighted to accept
My body present

Thank You Keith Urban

2011-03-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

Pre-Phoenix, early 2000's-- I had just quit my job at a call center in a coastal town surrounded by oil derricks. Turned out my still-healing lungs could not handle the sulphur-laced air. I left before dawn, driving south on Highway 101 in California. I felt both relief and regret, another attempt to make a new life for myself had failed.

I prayed that I would find my way to where I could love and be loved, and that I would find a good job and make a home someplace warm and safe. Then I asked God to forgive my missteps; I had made some precarious choices. The pre-sunrise light painted the hills ahead a deep purple, awesomely beautiful. Gratitude filled my heart; I was traveling again. As sunlight crested the tallest peak, a song I had never heard came on the radio; Keith Urban's "I Wanna Love Somebody Like You." [Lyrics courtesy of www.songlyrics.com] What a gift and an affirmation!

There's a new wind blowing that I've never known
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

And I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterdays
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made
Now there's just one thing, the only thing I want to do
I wanna love someone, love somebody like you...

I used to run in circles going nowhere fast
I'd take one step forward and look two steps back
I couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to
I wanna love someone, love somebody like you...

I'm ready to love somebody, somebody like you
And I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

You know, I sang that song over and over, as if it were my own.

So... Who Are You Really?

2011-02-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

You know the scenario... standing in a room of strangers, being introduced to someone new, expecting the usual opening: "So... What do you do?"

For decades this question left me feeling inadequate and awkward. My unimaginative offering, job title and relationship status (e.g. 1987, "I am a clerical supervisor, married, and have a daughter") did not tell the listener who I am.

When it was my turn to ask that question, I learned little that related. I longed for someone to ask me, "What did you do most recently that lit you up with gratitude or joy?" I wanted to hear the when, what, and why of something he or she had experienced that rendered goosebumps. I wanted first meetings to be anticipated sharing sessions. Was it too much to expect a personal tale, either mine or theirs? "Answer me this," I wished I could say, "So... Who are you really?"

While healing my history (a continuing process), I imagined first introductions another way.

We Relate

I don't know you
But I want to
What if we met
On purpose

You don't know me
Hope you want to
What if we intend
Honest sharing

I don't know you
As I stand here
What can I say
To honor

You don't know me
Yet hear me out
What I am offering
Is precious

I don't know you
I know the risks
What do you need
To begin

We don't know each other
But we can start here
What do you say
I'm listening

Ah, you are kin
Siblings in this Life
What more to know
We relate

Choosing a Destination

2011-02-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

I believe life is a journey with unknown yet awesome destinations. Yet often I would question if the current road I had chosen had caused me to miss a better one. In retrospect, I can see that God was looking out for me the whole way.

Post-divorce and recovered from life-threatening illness, I decided to drive across country in search of a women's writing colony. After an extensive Internet search, I picked a place in Savannah, Georgia. I first spent three weeks in Oxford, Ohio (house-sitting for my oldest sister) writing poetry and watching fireflies.

It is an breath-taking drive through Kentucky, Tennessee, the Smokey Mountains, South Carolina and finally Georgia. Though the Internet article said, "an active writer's colony for women" the converted row house was occupied by a single woman who paid college students to make hemp-hammocks in her basement. Upstairs were three empty bedrooms! I was going to leave the next day but the stray dog she had just taken in bit my ankle as I walked past it in her darkened kitchen. I had to nurse that puncture wound for three weeks before I could drive. The morning I left I drove east from the city to see the vast Atlantic firsthand. There a father played with his young daughter in the warm, calm waters. As I walked closer I saw two dolphins swimming in the shallows, perhaps drawn by the child's splashing. The sleek pair came within feet of me, and I cried happy tears.

On my trip back west I witnessed seven forest fires. There were ashes in the air blocking the sun, and ashes in my heart as another dream seemingly went up in smoke.

At the first rest stop inside the Golden State's eastern border, I stopped to stretch my legs. Looking east I saw what I had driven through, dark clouds pierced by lightening. The wind blew my hair over my eyes as I prayed to know what next to do. Then I heard a man's voice in my head. "I am waiting for you, so don't give up. You will know me when you see me." I had more than goosebumps as I drove away, vowing to live true to my inner guidance until I met that welcoming voice. And then I prayed another thank-You prayer.

One Destination

I didn't know you were
One destination I chose
Until you echoed words
I'd heard a desolate day

I didn't know that choices
Made over years and places
Would bring me to your side
To affirm precious lessons

I didn't know you awaited
Praying to God for a love
Who honored faith and more
So glad I weathered the road

I didn't know but kept on
God had heard those prayers
One to give and receive love
Another to find a good man

I didn't know until you shared
How you too had prayed for love
While trusting divine providence
We became one destination fulfilled

Dearest Mick, Happy Valentine's Day

Put LOVE Out There

2011-01-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

So much media coverage of folks adamantly airing their differences-- politically, ethically, philosophically, etc. Reminds me of another time, during the Vietnam War. I was a college freshmen surrounded by dissident voices, and what I wanted to talk about was human brotherhood and love.

Second semester I chose my classes as much for variety as meeting requirements: English Composition, Economics, Philosophy, and Cultural Anthropology. I had already taken Dr. Bernice MacAllister's Psychology class, and though I struggled to meet her university-level standards I was willing to risk another 'C" to hear her lectures. She emphasized common bonds and values, and she empathized with my immense sadness over war causalities and national discord. I took her teachings of shared cultural values and rites, including reciprocity (gift giving of equal or greater value), to heart. She did not teach about love as a value or rite, but she understood that I needed to write about it, connecting it to others. Thank you, Bernice.

Decades later when my daughter was post-college and working at Phoenix Youth at Risk, Jessica called to tell me about a lecture/book signing that I might love entitled, Say What You Love--Unconditionally (Diamond Heart Books, copyright 2003). The author and speaker was Mackensie Jordan, who states that her life had been transformed as she wrote this book about finding inner peace and thus global peace. Her message was simple, focus our thoughts and words on love and thus create it. In the Changing Hands Bookstore that evening I thought, "Hummmmmmm MacAllister then, Mackensie now; blessed synchronicity." (Yes, I am that much into words and connections.)

This week the airwaves are filled with disapproval of negative political rhetoric. Today I took Say What You Love off the bookshelf. My eyes landed on the last three words on Ms. Jordan's cover, "Your Peace Counts." Perhaps, given this immense tragedy, we are meant to ponder the intention of our words, all our words. Can we focus on seeking peace by saying what we love, not by rehashing what we and others dislike or even hate? The choice is still ours.

Put LOVE Out There

It is easy, second nature
To speak of what bothers
No one is surprised
At another's "going off"

I like many oft join in
As if commiserating helps
Then instantly get evidence
I only added fuel to a fire

Let's build a different bonfire
One that warms and adds light
A fire meant to brighten hearts
Stoked with wood of words

Time to choose what burns
The light of peace or discord
Put out the fire of intolerance
Put Love out there instead

Prayer for Recovery

2011-01-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

As the news cameras rolled, I saw familiar streets and buildings. My parents and brother live just miles north of the massacre in Tucson. How could a welcomed political meet-n-greet turn into a murderous attack outside a grocery store? (I imagined being there, as I work in a Glendale, AZ grocery store.)

Americans have prayed that 9/11 is never repeated, yet Saturday's tragedy brings to mind that other countries experience this type of senseless outrage every day. I pray that those who were injured or died, those who witnessed firsthand, their family and friends, law enforcement and medical personnel, other politicians, Arizonans, and all those who have been hurt by this event recover and turn this into an opportunity to expand the positives of humankind: compassion, courage, tolerance, kindness, hope, faith, and even common sense.

The negative rhetoric resonating throughout political conversations has already found its way into the coverage of the attempted assassination of the Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Let each of us not involved beyond our personal debates and votes choose to be of one voice, the voice of positive thoughts and prayers.

A Recovery Prayer

We may not have known you
Before this fateful day
Yet our prayers are with you
As you fight to survive

You are a woman of action
Living true to your beliefs
One not waiting for others
To fix our nation's woes

Our prayers include you now
Beyond complete recovery
May we help restore your trust
By our behavior and intent

You put others before you
That is what we hear
We pray we choose the same
Thank you for the lesson

For the men who stopped him
We lift a special prayer
And for those that died there
We pray for their loved ones

May we now take a vow
To move past negatives
We pray to lift our voices
High enough for good

Amen

Christmas Over?

2011-01-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

Saturday, New Year's day I packed up our holiday decorations: CDs, cups, towels, tree ornaments, garland, ceramic and wooden characters, stuffed animals and their red and green crocheted blanket, and our two manger scenes. Three boxes stashed in our storage closet until next year, and oh how bare the house looks! It is true that the older we get the faster time seems to flow.

This year I made untraditional banana nut bread and oatmeal raisin cookies along with seasonal fudge. We gave some to our neighbors, and to Mick's family. Mick and I drove to my parents' home on Christmas Eve, and I made chicken scallopini, all ingredients organic and purchased at Sprouts. Not our typical holiday meal. I brought Mom vanilla bean ice cream, and Dad some Ghiradelli chocolates. This year, it seems I was all about comforting with more than food.

I sought comfort by baking and cooking, as well as singing Christmas songs at home and at Christmas Mass. Why did I need comforting? I felt like this was the last time for some, both traditions and folks.

Honoring

I had to get her favorite flavor

And honored his chocolate craving

Why not, the spirit of the season lives

I brought my brother cushioned socks

To honor his practice of shooting hoops

Of course, the spirit of giving thrives

I made my daughter hearty beef stew

Like in days past, delicious honorings

Oh yes, the spirit of loving is alive

I called as many family as I could

So honoring our decades-old bonds

You see, my spirit lives to believe

I love to "be" at Christmas time

Now honoring those holiday feelings

Oh hark, may the season live on

Abigail's Smile

2010-12-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a corporate manager told me, "You must smile when you are on the sales floor." (She meant, "Fake it 'til you make it.") My response caused her to smile, "I do, for every customer."

My face-at-rest has been critiqued since I was a child! My sixth grade teacher said I looked ill when I was not smiling. Trust me, her decree did not increase my smile time. Others have said that my face reads like a book. I want to reply, "That's what happens when you read every chapter. Life is more than smiles." Fact: when I am not actively smiling, the corners of my mouth naturally turn down. So did my grandmother's, and that made her smile and rarer laugh more than precious.

Late yesterday, a long-time customer brought in his baby daughter. He and his wife had promised to bring her to meet me out of the womb. Abigail looked at me intently, her face and body absolutely still. Then she looked at her father, who smiled. I asked to hold her, and only when I handed her back to him did her tiny mouth rise on one side. I can still hear her contented sigh, and feel her tiny head on my shoulder as her fingers gripped my necklace.

The next time you see an unsmiling face resist the impulse to assume anything negative. Think of how you might feel if your quiet face is assumed angry, disappointed, hurt, unhappy, or ill. Remind your self that what you view is a mere slice of a lifetime. Offer that face your warm "Hello" and appreciate the response, smile or no smile.

Abigail's Smile

I happen to think
A face a rest
Is as beautiful as any
The person unrevealed
Wait for an invite
To hear her day's story

I happen to love
A baby's stare
Radiating curiosity
Life seems a miracle
I offer my smile
Hers more than a gift

Prayer for Marines

2010-12-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

I received a forwarded email yesterday, a request to pray for an American battalion in Afghanistan who have recently suffered heavy losses.

Please join me in prayer, and share with others so that our lifted voices can truly make a difference. I take to heart what Christ promised,"For where two or three are gathered in My Name, there I am among them." Matthew 18:20.

A prayer for

"Darkhorse" 3rd Battalion 5th Marines

We are voices from a desert

Far from where you fight

To protect lives and freedom

With your courage and your might

We lift our eyes to heaven

As you must come the night

Praying from our faithful hearts

Grateful that's still our right

We ask God to send comfort

To ease every soldier's plight

Making known Love's miracle

Like that of Christmas night

We send our grateful wishes

That you see a sacred sight

Which emboldens, even heals

Your hearts as you still fight

We cannot be with you Christmas

Yet in our hearts this delight

Our prayers to make a difference

Surely as God's loving light

LS Marie

Phoenix, Arizona

Prayer Begins the Answer

2010-11-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

I used to be one who prayed reactively. I prayed because inspirational songs and gospel readings moved me. I prayed when I did not know what else to do. I prayed when good things happened to me or my loved ones. I prayed at the first sign of trouble. I did not pray every day and in every way.

Then I received a third chance at life after an inoperable tumor diagnosis (my second was surviving childbirth hemorrhaging). Praying daily seemed the least I could do, given so precious a gift. So began a wondrous journey; in prayer I opened to God's healing love.

My hopes for an intimate relationship with God are being realized. My relationship with others is lovingly changing as well. I am a work-in-progress, transforming as I could not on my own.

Now during and after prayer, I embrace the quiet peace and deep joy as expressed in the song "Nearer, my God, to Thee" [Sarah F. Adams/Lowell Mason circa 1800's, vs 2 & 5]:

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,

darkness be over me, my rest a stone;

yet in my dreams I'd be

nearer, my God, to thee;

nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Or if, on joyful wing cleaving the sky,

sun, moon, and stars forgot, upward I fly,

still all my song shall be,

nearer, my God, to thee,

nearer, my God, to thee; nearer to thee!

In Faith With Hope

2010-11-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

Inner life seems a limitless ocean, which we travel day by year. Times we enjoy calm sailing, the wind at our backs and a clear view to the horizon. How we humans count on knowing what lies ahead! Conditions are apt to change without notice on this journey. What do we do when we feel stranded mid-ocean as a storm approaches? How do we keep hoping with no visible shore, cut off from communication? Can we trust enough to make it through those wave-tossed nights and fog-blind days? Such is faith, and faith born in storms and seeming-isolation yields courageous hope.

We can grow more courageous and ever-hopeful even during the worst. We can learn to trust no matter how high the waves or how small our boat that we have an invisible Advocate, an all-seeing and unconditionally loving Navigator. Our practice of prayer and seeking relationship with God prepares us. Faith and hope allow us to be aided by One who knows at every moment of our existence where and who we are. As we lift our prayers, despite the roar of wind and thunder, God's grace grants us what we need from the Divine perspective.

How I am encouraged and blessed each time I ponder what Thomas Merton wrote in The Seven Storey Mountain.

"He (has) ... worked the solution into the very tissue of my own life and substance and existence by the wise incomprehensible weaving of His Providence."

[Page 385: publishers Harcourt Brace & Company copyright 1948, renewed 1976]

In Faith With Hope

You knew, God, didn't You
All the time, all the way
That I could make the journey

You gave me, God, You did
What I prayed for, as I prayed
Loving answers fitting my needs

You're with me, yes in me
No matter what, no matter when
I lift my prayers in faith with hope

A Lesson Learned

2010-10-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

We have all experienced it; hearing or reading a quote that silences all else in the mind and touches the heart. For me, that happened this morning when I read:

"May the words of my mouth meet with your favor; keep the thoughts of my heart before you Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:15, NAB 1969)

Another translation: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

For some time I have been praying to be less emotionally reactive in a challenging relationship, and to be more Christ-like towards this person. Still, as weeks became months I wondered if I could do more than endure this seemingly intentional belittling. What I did not question until recently was what I said to others after these incidents--I complained, usually in detail.

Complaining, and then justifying my complaints, is me not taking responsibility for the "words of my mouth." It is a way-human reaction to feeling hurt and put upon. A few days ago, my husband Mick gently let me know the complaining had gone on too long. "Why don't you pray and write this out, as you tell others to? Take your own advice." Ouch. After Psalm 19:15, I have a new prayer.

Lord, my very Rock
On my knees I pray anew
To have all words I speak
Be loving as I love You

I truly want to example
The wisdom of this psalm
I come to rest and renew
My soul-heart in your Palm

You know me inside out
I am gratefully your creation
My voice bows to your Will
Align me to your Intention

Amen

See the Inner Person

2010-09-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

Think of someone you know. If asked, you could easily describe how that someone looks. You would know his age, even his livelihood. When I met my stepson I would have described him as, “… just under six feet, dark-haired, handsome, 30-something, single, and an auto-cad expert.”

Now picture someone you love; your description would be more about who he is... not how he appears. One of my husband Mick's description of Rich, “He is the best person to sit next to at a ball game. Not only does he have a hundred stats up his sleeve, he can name each player, and list their strengths, even what they do off the field. And he makes people laugh, no matter the occasion.”

If love is blind, as the saying goes, let it be blind to outward appearances and the perceptions that skew our vision. God knows the truth of us, including our undeniable imperfections. God sees us, past and present, flesh and bone, mind and spirit, and loves us wholly. Intend to love as Jesus does, look past your bias, through the physical to reverently gaze upon the inner person.

As a child, this Bible verse filled me with such hope about God's love for humankind. “And Jesus beheld the man, and looking at him, loved him.”[Mark 10:21] I imagined being there, next to that unnamed man, as Jesus' gaze moved from him to me. I closed my eyes and felt Him loving me.

In prayer, ask God to fill you with that kind of love. Let Christ’s example encourage you to look at others until you see their inner persons. Then let your love, Christ's love, flow.

Transformed Eyes

Today my prayer has become

That God's love heal my sight

Remove all blurring perspectives

May my transformed eyes behold

Every heart in love's golden light

Emerging from Hurt

2010-08-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

What do we pray and how do we recover our Selves as we face that we have been abused? We may have suffered physical, emotional, spiritual, verbal, or all of those abuses. We may have been victimized at the hands of others or our selves, during a one-time trauma or a seeming lifetime of episodes.

As I sought recovery, I prayed to stop living as if another controlled me. I searched back to before my life got so dark, recalling a song I loved as a child: “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” I prayed to believe those words. I prayed to reconcile the compromises I had made in a vain attempt to prevent another’s anger, and I prayed to forgive my self and my abusers. Over time, through prayer and journaling, I accepted my past as just that—and then one day I awoke to a joyful feeling that each day I may choose my behavior, buoyed by God’s grace. Then, I vowed to never be a victim again.

NO MORE
No shadow figures lurking
No demons in the mirror
No fear in living alone
No risk in old mementos
No pain in my eyes
No catch in my breath
No hesitation in my voice
No weakness in my walk
No going back to before

I dedicate “No More” to all who seek healing from, and the end of, abuse.

Live Prayerfully

2010-08-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes changes knock me off my inner feet, like an unexpected ocean wave. I can taste the salt water that filled my nose and mouth one summer day when I was four. Emotions rise like that ocean surge and I struggle to get my head above water, and pray that someone's strong hand pulls me to safety as my father's did then.

Once I remember to breathe, I am filled with faith that I am going to make it through (excuse the pun) just swimmingly. Not because I have survived many things; I believe that our heartfelt prayers are answered.

A wiser one said, "Don't worry about anything, rather pray about everything."

I Pray

I pray a thank-You for this day

And I feel blessed to be here

I pray to live as Christ teaches

Love is my strength and intention

I pray to know what to offer

To all who come to me for help

I pray to share the Love I trust

With those who cross my path

I pray to walk with gratitude

For this heart needs nothing more

I pray to seek and live my purpose

Believing God answers every prayer

Personal Intentions

2010-07-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Choices and decisions... we face a myriad daily. Life can transform from hum-drum to fulfilling by appreciating the gift of choice, and realizing the power in decision and action. For some decisions, we may have the luxury of time to consider things, weighing options and consequences. Oft times, though, we make decisions in the moment; here our personal intentions make the difference.

On my first day at May Company (I was 18), the training manager emphasized that employees must make customer service their top priority. "Decide that each of your customers will leave smiling, no matter how they act when they enter your department." I made her request a daily intention, and though not all customers left smiling, they did experience my intentional care.

As my parents' health declined, I changed my intentions towards them. Mother is bed-ridden; her world confined to a corner of their home. Father is fatigued and fragile, unable to do most of what he could a few years ago. I know they struggle to accept that life has come to this. Years ago I chose to get to know them adult-to-adult, and to accept them "as is." My current intention is to love them "out loud" (visibly). I am mindful that each may be our last visit. I do little things to comfort and encourage, and bring a smile.

Consider that a decision sets in motion what comes next. When outcome is not what you expect (or want) ask yourself, "What did I intend?" Then take the time to lovingly and honestly review what happened from choice to consequence. Every day is another opportunity to set loving intentions.

Intending to Love

I reset my life intention

To learn love's lessons

Oh, what I set in motion

I prayed to intend love

No matter what, where, who

Accepting grace from above

I asked God for transformation

So I could love beyond need

My heart awoke to compassion

I welcome hope and gratitude

As Love renovates my being

Every lesson a beatitude

And Then Again

2010-06-16T10:35:00.000-07:00

Love continues to change me. As sequential exercises in a textbook increase in difficulty, so do the love lessons as I practice loving with a healing heart.

I have come to believe and trust the infinite, complete, and unconditional love of our Creator. I am strengthened and buoyed each time I love with an open heart. I still experience a most beautiful heart-exchange as Jessica's mother (Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!). I met Mick as my heart was breaking over a loved one's death. Thank God that Mick did not give up on me as I sorted through my grief and healing mistrust from my past. I am ever-grateful that I kept on a healing path, because later my heart rejoiced as it embraced Mick's love.

I so appreciate hearing what others have learned on the way towards loving wholeheartedly. Days ago I received some hard-to-accept news. Yesterday I had been mind-circling over it, wanting to know (immediately) how it would or even could work out well for everyone involved. I shared with a customer that I was slightly distracted, mulling something over. He volunteered what he called one of life's hardest lessons, "We must remember to let go of trying to fix things once we have prayed for loving guidance." How I needed to hear that! My prayers were that God send me compassion, patience, and a positive outlook. That customer was God's answer.

And Then Again

What do I say

How do I pray

As news unexpected

Clouds love reflected

The ego starts spinning

Pre-writing an ending

This just can't happen

And then again

We creatures of habit

Can become aware of it

And challenge the past

Til we transform at last

Love changes our course

It's our best resource

For good to begin

And then again

Lovers offer open hearts

As doubtful hurt departs

We live on soul-purpose

Love rises to the surface

Love Heals Any Heartache

2010-06-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

The reality of world and American events weighs on us as health and economic challenges for those we know and love weigh on our hearts. Hard not to feel discouraged, and at times overwhelmed. I catch myself wondering if I can survive (emotionally) more sad news or events. Thank God for the blessed inspirational emails and prayers from friends and family.

I remind myself all that I have lived through, and grown from. I remain ever-grateful that we have one constant--God's eternal Love even as our hearts ache.

Grateful

God, I am grateful

That my heart can feel

(I once was numb)

Even though it aches

God, I long to share

What I was given by You

(Past times I didn't know)

During deepest heartache

God, a raw heart opens

To your Love and Light

(After the agony of doubt)

Especially as it breaks

God, thank You for it all

The highs, the lows, between

(You never left me alone)

Love heals any heartache

Today I Pray

2010-05-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Today I pray.

I pray with renewed strength and gratitude. I pray to be imaginative and faith-filled, as everything in my work and relationship environment is shifting. I pray to stand ready, offering what I uniquely bring to the table. I pray to find collaborators, and locate resources. I pray to co-create a livelihood that serves and honors those on the earthly journey towards whole-being wellness, especially soul-fulfillment.

I pray to see and know the way. I thank God for all that I am, all I have experienced, and all whom I have encountered. I am ever-grateful for this sacred journey.

In the past my prayers have been a starting point for wonderful and awesome. If described these gifts may sound like miracles. There was my prayer, "Dear God, let me live as I am meant to be Jessica's mother." I lived, despite hemorrhaging and an out-of-body moment. My prayer, "Dear God, Please Send Me a Good Man" had its blessed answer--my husband Mick.

I did not always pray first then trust. I was much like Thomas, the Apostle, who knew himself well enough to say he had to see to believe. God has given me more than enough proof.

Today I Pray

May I be an instrument of God's love

Serving through God's power and light

May I take all that I am this moment

Offering it up to the highest good

May I do what I can, the best I can

Honoring and inspiring on the way

Amen

Embracing the Unknown

2010-05-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

"Let it go, it's over" is the gentle prompt I awoke to on Sunday. My work situation is changing irrevocably. The "it" my inner voice meant is an intentionally created educational, cooperative and loving atmosphere in our department.

When our store opened, I and three other newly hired vitamin staff vowed to serve our customers for their highest good, with our best intentions and abilities. Customers, other stores' employees, and vendors continue to say that our department makes them feel welcome and cared for. I love that I have been part of this, and how wonderful to know that we did what we set out to do. A regular customer said just yesterday, "I drive across town to come see you, it's worth it."

The last of my three original teammates will be leaving in the Fall, just as we celebrate five years together. Our goals and team spirit have survived until now, despite multiple staff and management changes. Sunday. as I talked with another employee about our friend's departure I realized that I cannot, by myself, do what we have done as a team. An era is ending, to make way for a new, unscripted "next."

As I expressed my realization to some caring others, they all expressed what I had not yet put into words. I must ask my self what else I can do, even if it means going "outside of the box" and leaving what I co-created and treasure.

Knowing me, this process of finding the what and where will take significant time. I can see my self staying on as a part-time employee, while dedicating more time and energy to my writing and that mystery "next."

Call Me Ready

Yikes I cry out

Another adventure

Into the unknown

I've been here before

And did quite well

In fact, flourished

Before doesn't comfort

As my now-eyes cloud

Inside I brace myself

Be still I tell me

A way will reveal

In its good time

The gift to remain open

Gratitude in the moment

Into the unknown, I leap

Doing What I Can

2010-05-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday felt like I was ankle-deep as a receding wave nearly pulled my feet from under me; I am facing good-byes without enough time between them. Life's ebb and flow continues, even if I am ebbing while it's flowing, or wanting time to momentarily stand still so I can recover.

I think of what got me through other good-byes and times of loss. I can listen to soothing instrumental music or favorite singers of life as-is. I can go back to writing "morning pages," as suggested by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way. I can sing love songs that I know by heart.

I accept and experience my sadness, even as I balance those emotions with gratitude for what brings me happiness. I slow down my living-pace. I look into others eyes as I greet them and pause, instead of doing a drive-by smile. I hug more often and for longer, savoring the experience of my intention and shared gratitude. Because I am more likely to react emotionally to others, I ask my self if frustration or irritation rise, "Will this matter a year from now?"

And, as is my practice, I pray.

My Sadness to Ebb

God, Source of life

I come to You praying

To serve highest good

Times I cannot see past

My swirling emotions

To find divine purpose

My soul-heart awaits

Your Love I trust

Reveal a way through

Thank You for all

You have given before

My sadness to ebb

A Door Closes

2010-04-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

As a friend told me she had lost her job, I thought of a favorite proverb made popular by Julie Andrews as Maria in The Sound of Music,

"When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Before I could complete that line in my head, my friend spoke it as if a prayer.

Later I experienced a range of reactions, righteous indignation that her employer let her go especially with the jobless rate so high; sadness that we will no longer enjoy our working visits every other Tuesday; concern that she may be without a livelihood indefinitely; and later a wee bit of wining to my understanding husband that yet another friend is moving on.

Still, I am buoyed by her attitude: "...I told myself there is something much better waiting for me." I echo her prayer.

When A Door Closes

So it's done

That job's over

Doesn't mean

I'm over or done

I've been let go

Might just be good

Could be a favor

I'm good to go

No regrets now

It is what it is

That was yesterday

Today is my now

Doors close behind us

Windows come on cue

Such the gifts of God

Lessons that cue us

What Have You Imagined Lately?

2010-04-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

I saw a new computer commercial yesterday: paper cut-outs from a man's childhood pop-up as he sits on a park bench, treasured imaginings that he has forgotten. The ad line was something like: "Remember when you were five, and in your imagination nothing was impossible." That got me to thinking...

I can recall instances when what I imagined became reality.

Once when I was newly single and without a physical home, I imagined where I would like to live. I "saw" green lawns, lush plants, shade trees, birds singing, a waterfall, earth-colored buildings away from the street with a park-like walkway throughout. I said a thank-you prayer and went to a friend's house to use the Internet. I wanted to live near a college and close-by my friend. I would rent a studio to keep the cost down. Those were my only search parameters. I scrolled through pages of rentals until I found "Stillwater Apartments." They had one studio available. As I drove up, my heart was pounding. There were the green lawns, a plant-bordered waterfall, and earth-colored stucco buildings. The available unit was in the back, away from the street noise. There was a large tree next to the front window, and as it was dusk, the grackles' songs filled the air.

If I had not done my active imaginings, would I have still found this lovely apartment? I do not know, nor do I need to. I am ever-grateful that I have the gift of imagination.

What have you imagined lately that when it comes true will fill your heart with gratitude? I am imagining something else now, and just sitting with this new project already brings me joy. I will let you know how it turns out...

Just Imagine

When I was small

I had it all

Just imagine

I could be a singer

Or writer-at-large

Just imagine

I could fly high

Go past the sky

Just imagine

I could love someone

And dance in the sun

Just imagine

Years blocked, my mind's view

Until I opened it anew

Just imagine

We are meant to be bold

Let our dreams unfold

Just imagine

Goodbye, My Friends

2010-04-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

Two woman friends and their families are moving away -- as in across the country. That I know why, the result of our struggling economic times, does not change my sense of loss. Yes, we can keep in touch on Facebook, email, and that fading practice of phone conversation. And, I still have weeks to see them in the Valley of the Sun.

Of course this isn't the first time I have experienced loss when a friend leaves, or have grieved when I moved away from loving friends. Perhaps it is more poignant this time because I found out about both the same week, and they are leaving at school year's end. Friendship's light, golden as Arizona's spring flowers, will temporarily dim when they go.

I work with one of these woman, and have for nearly 5 years. I have seen her children grow; her son is nearly a man now. I look forward to the days we work together, and I have counted on that blessed sisterly companionship. We have weathered challenging personal events and manager changes, and that predictably unpredictable ride in retail employment--oh, the stories we could tell! I will miss her wit, her compassion, her intelligence, and her awesome creativity.

The other woman I met in the mid 90's in Flagstaff, Arizona; I liked her the moment she joined my sales team. After I moved to northern California she went to Iowa for a while, due to her husband's work. I visited once during my "find a place to write" road trip in summer 2000. In 2003 she came to Phoenix just as I did--serendipity. For several years we saw much of each other, and it was she and her husband that helped me discover Mick was "the one." They gave me symphony tickets; she said if he truly was the man for me, he had to love to dress up and enjoy a night at the theater! Thank you, dear Friend. Life can be complicated; we haven't spent any time together in too long. I miss our visits dearly; now separation by distance looms.

Goodbye, My Friends

We have shared times

I loved because of you

Times you stood by me

As I tried to stand by you

My heart, my life is fuller

'Cause of what we shared

Thanks for letting me care

And caring as only you can

Thanks for sharing your self

And letting me express

Wherever you go, how far

And wherever I go as well

We'll keep these friendships

No mileposts on love's highway

Priceless

2010-03-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have a tradition; every ten years I make a resolution. On the morning of my birthday nine years ago I vowed "to walk my talk." Some way, some how I would try to love every one I met.

My older brother and sister-in-law invited me to spend my birthday with them. Just two weeks earlier I had returned from my daughter's, who had undergone a biopsy (she remains well). When Jessica kissed me goodbye at the airport, she hugged me longer than usual saying she couldn't be there for my birthday. She had college mid-terms and finances to consider. As I laid in bed on my birthday, my eyes welled knowing I wouldn't see her. Gary and JoAnne planned to take me to Virginia City for lunch. (I so love shopping its unique shops in the shadow of towering pines.) But early in morning JoAnne called to say plans had changed, and would I come over right away. Of course!

When I walked into their living room, there stood an enormous box wrapped with a bow. Gary and JoAnne were standing by it, smiling. My sister-in-law asked me if I knew what was in the box, and as she did the box moved. "What have you done? I asked; thinking, "I sure hope they didn't get me a puppy." My brother kept grinning as my sister-in-law told me that what was in that box was priceless, and if I didn't want it she did! The box wiggled again and then I saw some bare toes. "Oh my, oh my!" I cried as Jessica jumped out from under the box. Gary and JoAnne had bought her airline tickets months earlier, to surprise me. I must have held her for minutes, tears pouring down. Then still crying I hugged Gary and JoAnne. We spent a glorious day together, with JoAnne repeating, "You should have seen your face when Jessica popped out of that box, priceless."

I had begun my day with a vow to walk my talk, to be open-hearted enough to give and receive love. Love decided to teach me the "receive love" lesson first. I spent my birthday with three people who love me unabashedly. What a beautiful lesson, that love is simply waiting for us to open our hearts and experience.

A Love Lesson

The heart can be broken

And close like a blossom

Who needs sunlight

To bloom

The heart can be healed

And open as a flower

In morning's light

To love

A Way Through

2010-03-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up today singing the song line "... change goin' come." Feels like change is happening faster than we can deal with it. What is happening to my family and friends is happening across America --

My husband's job spared but his work doubles as 3 co-workers are laid off, one his good friend

My daughter finds another part-time job the same week as her landlord issues a 30-day notice to vacate

Two of my friends' husbands lose jobs and must consider taking jobs out of state (taking their families with them), with no guarantees they will get equal and/or long term positions

A former co-worker (one of my longtime readers) took a job cleaning commercial buildings at night, and then her car broke down; each week she has to find rides for times the bus route doesn't cover

Our perception of what will be or should have been clouds our ability to find our way. Take a moment to consider how you handle the unexpecteds.

I remember a stunning moment of dashed expectations. In 1989 Jessica's father had been laid off, and for weeks had been out of state at a temporary job. Early one morning the mortgage lender called to inform me we were two weeks from foreclosure. I nearly fainted as I tried to understand; I did not even know we were behind in payments. My daughter was getting ready for school, singing her latest rock favorite. I took a shower, hoping to hide the sound of my sobs. Oh, that hot water felt like a long, warm hug, and that new strawberry shampoo made me feel as if I was eating my favorite dessert. I cried out a prayer: "Thank you, God. In this moment I still have hot water, a roof over my head, and my darling daughter who loves strawberries as much as I. We'll get through this."

A Way Through

Bless our hopes and dreams

For today those feel at risk

Bless our faith now tested

Even as our courage wavers

Bless our minds used to handling

As we struggle to make sense

Bless all of us with unexpecteds

That moment we gasp and wonder

Bless our every loving prayer

Awaiting the gift of a way through

Savoring Joy

2010-03-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was thinking about joy. French toast is a favorite enjoyment of mine, so although it's a work day I indulged. Such a wonderful fragrance fills the house as French toast cooks. I top those golden bread slices with natural maple syrup, and savor every bite. As I ate I thought of other joy-moments from this week, like seeing the new foals running in spring grass at the horse farm near work. I got the nearby signal red, gifting me more time to watch those wobbly chestnut marvels. I took a different way in to work, to avoid road construction, and drove past a field filled with golden poppies--unexpected in early March. And I shared joy with a sales rep who glowingly told me that his father had a clean cancer screening weeks after completing treatment.

Savoring Joy

Be it a sunset

Ruby and orange

Or a wobbly foal

Chestnut and black

Be it snow-capped trees

Evergreen and white

Or a hug

Unexpected and long

Be it a smile

Wide and infectious

Or another's good news

Longed for and treasured

Be it yours or theirs

Joy--savor and share

[My French toast recipe: add cream, natural vanilla extract, and ground cinnamon to egg batter. Dredge sprouted bread, and cook in organic coconut oil.]

How Can I Help

2010-03-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

In early 1998, when my marriage of 22 years was proven a lie, I sought refuge at my oldest brother's. It was a dark, northern California winter where cloudy day followed gray day; the lack of sunlight seemed to mirror my sadness. I tried to hide my tears and grief to spare Gary and JoAnne. It was enough that they were giving me temporary shelter. One morning after Gary left for work, JoAnne came into the guest room, "I know you are hurting. How can I help?"

A simple question, but one that felt like a cool hand on a fevered brow. I stifled a sob to answer, "You and Gary are already helping me, more than you may know, by loving each other as you do."

I looked into her dark eyes to see if she understood all that I meant. She looked into my eyes for just a moment then turned away, "Come on, I'll make some tea."

There are moments and occasions when the best we can do for one another is be our selves. I did not need Gary and JoAnne to do things differently because I was grieving. Being around them as they loved each other and me, that was incredibly healing. Their marriage, especially the ways they honored each other, gave me such hope.

How Can I Help

She stood in the doorway

As I wiped my tears

Her love light shining

Asking how can I help

You already have, Dear

Your love and his

A balm to my wounds

A truth I can cling to

Love lessons I learned

Too many to count

As I delighted in them

Just being themselves

Forever Grateful

2010-02-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

Many folks this winter are dealing with viral infections. The most common complaints are incessant coughing, whole-body fatigue, and loss of appetite. One store employee was briefly hospitalized for dehydration during her bout with bronchitis. I managed to avoid the hospital, yet for two weeks I had to sleep sitting up in order to breathe. No matter what I tried (supplements, hot lemon and honey, menthol steamer, water and rest), the bronchitis remained. My prayers to know what to do next were answered unexpectedly. A visiting sales representative (known for her folk remedies) heard me cough, "Let's get you fixed before this becomes pneumonia." She suggested a 3-4 day therapeutic dosing of vitamins A and D; by day 3 the infection was gone.

What I knew to do did not help me this time, though I am used to doing what I know and having that be enough. Her remedy is what saw me through this illness, and I am so grateful for her advice. We need others' help, and not just in times of peril or natural disasters. Thank God for the many men and women who unconditionally offer their assistance, especially those who risk their lives daily: our soldiers, firemen, policemen, and EMTs... and those who rush to disaster areas to do what they can. Their valiant work inspires me; I am forever grateful.

Forever Grateful

Let me be forever grateful

That others continue to share

Their knowledge and experience

Gleaned from a personal path

God bless all the caring folk

Who share freely with others

Their time, knowledge, and love

Serving us like respite stations

Let me be forever grateful

That each of us can offer

Lessons on more than survival

Traveling life's uneven roads

God bless us on our journeys

Our meetings not by chance

May we be open to each other

Honoring life along the way

A Prayer for Them

2010-02-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

As a vitamins and supplements consultant, I regularly assist customers with cancer. Yesterday was no exception. A middle-aged couple, their faces displaying lack of sleep and unspoken concern, asked me what natural supplements aided with the side effects of chemotherapy. The woman, chest-tube visible, had a list of possibles which she held out in front of her as if a compass. While we talked, I noticed that her husband kept his body within inches of her, and that his eyes darted between his wife's and mine. He said little, seemingly concentrating all his energy on her. Their love for each other was palpable.

I led them aisle by aisle offering what my store carries, and gave them a database printout on chemotherapy. Still, what I can offer does not feel enough.

As others have, they lingered a while. I wonder if they sensed that I too have experienced a cancer diagnosis. Customers rarely share what stage of cancer or what type; I do not ask. I am grateful that I am no longer shocked into pause by chest ports, wasting bodies, time-stealing prognoses, and "what's next" questions.

In their thank-you I sense their amazed appreciation. I reply, "Mine, the honor." As they leave my tears well in loving remembrance and gratitude. Before I help the next customer, I close my eyes and say a prayer.

Send Your Comforting Angels

Oh God, be present to them

Send your comforting angels

Inspire their family and friends

Let no one hesitate to love

Oh God, be merciful to them

Show that You are with us always

In strangers' words and family smiles

Let Your light shine through

Oh God, encourage and embolden them

Let others' prayers and faith lift

And their own trust be strengthened

Until this journey towards healing ends

Amen, and Amen

Experience Love

2010-02-14T04:08:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's Day, so celebrate the love in your life.

The very moment our souls entered our bodies, we knew love. We have experienced love in a myriad of ways ever since.

For a time in my life, I could not see or feel love. I had been hurt, cut to the core. I felt only numb. I prayed to survive; I prayed to find my way; and I prayed to love and be loved. I wondered when I had stopped believing in love, beyond the love I share with my daughter. I went back in my mind, year after year, searching for a clear memory of me loving wholeheartedly. I stayed with that memory until I could feel that love again.

I prayed for God's love to fulfill and heal me. I remain love's work-in-progess. I began by reclaiming what I love. White clouds on deep blue skies, orange sunsets, violet sunrises, rainbows over charcoal gray horizons... the books of my childhood, cooking without recipes, morning walks, bird songs, me singing unabashedly. I imagined God's love within me until I could feel it filling me. I said a prayer of loving intention before I went to work and whenever I called a friend or family member. After a time, I could hear love in others' voice (at first strangers, and at last my Mick's); each and every time I recognized love's voice and touch I gave thanks. Then I prayed to learn the lessons of love-- may I always be her student.

Love Lessons

Love teaches me daily

Her ways of living

She never compromises

Guides me to truth

Love asks me always

To begin by giving

Honor, trust, acceptance

My love expands me

Love heals me surely

Soul-heart, mind, body

In loving I know purpose

God's gift this holy love

Valentine's day commemorates the unconditional love that lovers intend. Give of yourself generously; give without expectation; give soulfully. Remember love's well is eternal; love's source is divine.

Let Me Be

2010-02-03T05:40:00.000-08:00

Days of winter... clouds, cold, and aching bones. What do we do to weather through until the reprieve of spring? I offer this prayer as rain falls and cats nap and I write.

Let me be a comforting touch

On the shoulders of mankind

Let me be like sunlight

To those tired of clouds

Let me be a rainbow painter

When storms wear on others

Let me be a candle flame

In the windows of the world

The Giving Spirit Lives

2010-01-23T06:24:00.000-08:00

I watched part of the national telethon for Haiti last night, experiencing the poignant stories, videos and photographs. I studied the focused faces of the performers as they sang to inspire others to give. I listened to concerned celebrities including Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts as they asked us to help Haiti now. What I saw on their faces, and heard in their voices, and felt in my heart was a humbling realization and a powerful response... the spirit of giving present in everyone.

The humbling realization that we cannot prevent or stop a natural disaster as devastating as the earthquake in Haiti. A cataclysmic event could happen anywhere, even in the community we call home.

The powerful response as we feel moved to give of our selves-- our money, our blood, our prayers. The calls poured in, and I witnessed synergy, give what we can for our combined efforts equal more.

The Giving Spirit Lives

They set the stage for giving

With stories, photos, and music

Haiti's reality a worthy cause

The spirit of giving rising

Lighting the presenters' eyes

Recharging call-taker voices

This world indeed is hurting

Yet last night a positive spin

The giving spirit lives

Love Sister-style

2010-01-19T07:27:00.000-08:00

January 19th is my sister Cari's birthday; a perfect opportunity to express what I love and appreciate about her.

Knowing Cari is as beautiful and complex as looking into a kaleidoscope. One of my favorite childhood Christmas gifts from her was A Children's Version of Shakespeare, which told the play-master's tales in child-friendly English. What an introduction to classic literature, so perfect a gift for someone who read every second she could. (Not that Cari didn't tell our mother when I was reading instead of doing chores.)

Cari is an artist's artist. I treasure her watercolor of a French street scene, given to me when she came back from Europe in 1970. In 1998, when I moved from Northern California to Arizona, I stayed one night with Cari. She expressed her concern over what was next to me, yet she listened compassionately. I had packed my art treasures on top of all my things, so I could show her my favorite, newly framed, watercolor...hers! She let out a joyful cry, "Oh, you still have it!"

Even more precious is Cari's advice--one of the best blessings of having older siblings. When I was a senior in high school, 7 years after she had moved away, she sat on my bed late one evening telling me what to expect when I moved out on my own. She encouraged me to have faith in my self, and to choose friends that were with me foul weather and fair. I felt so loved!

I also appreciate that Cari practices the art of good listening. I can count on her to ask clarifying questions and give honest reactions. By valuing my words, she helps me be a more thoughtful conversationalist. So, by way of thanking her:

Did You Know

Did you know, dear Sister
How much you mean to me
That I love how you dress
Your colorful, creative style
That you cook without limits

Did you know, dear Cari
How much you mean to me
That I love you as you are
Your story like a mountain trail
No guessing what's ahead

Say you know, dear Sister
How much you mean to me
That as you asked to truly know me
Your intention of love so clear
My heart was healing with yours

Happy Birthday Cari

Pray for Haiti

2010-01-16T07:08:00.000-08:00

It is Haiti's hour of need; let us pray with our brothers and sisters there:

Oh God, do not forsake us
As the world we built falls
We can but look to You

Let these prayers be not in vain
Nor our efforts to rescue fail
Help us save those thought lost

May life saving supplies multiply
Like loaves and fishes once did
So those who came to help can

Keep us safe, give us shelter
Aid us in these darkest hours
Help us comfort one another

Amidst such death and devastation
It all seems too much to bear
But we have faith unshakable

Let our prayers rise in unison
May all of planet earth join in
Help us God, help Haiti today

Respite for my Mother

2010-01-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

Wanting to give my bedridden mother, Eloise, a gift that might bring respite, I emailed her four poems yesterday. Three are meant to let her know that I have heard and taken in all that she says (perhaps I will share these in a later blog). The fourth I pray takes her to a place of no pain or limitations even if it is just while she is reading it.

I Can Imagine

Between sleep and waking
I discover time out-of-time

Somewhere I can only imagine
Life as lovely as ever dreamt

Must be an answer to a prayer
These beautiful images I see

Colors swirl like hummingbirds fly
I can freeze-frame them or let them go

I feel weightless, I can fly too
Gone my pain and confinement

I relish roses, kiss birds-of-paradise
Thrill to piano and vocal harmonies

Beyond the garden a shining gate
Backlit by a wondrous light

All I've suffered five years fades
My imagination a golden reality

Daily I must remind myself that we humans can only do as we are able and as we know to do, no matter how much we would like to ease or even carry another's burden. What we can do is be present in his or her life, offering the essence of ourselves lovingly and honorably. One of my favorite proverbs is: "Sorrow shared is sorrow halved; joy shared is joy doubled."

Today's a Good Day

2010-01-11T07:14:00.000-08:00

As Mick left for work this morning, he said, "Today's a good day!" He is celebrating that the Arizona Cardinals won their playoff game last evening, in a see-saw game with the highest combined score in NFL playoff history. Go Cards! Yet he left me considering my attitude for the day.

I usually say the following prayer as I drive to work, but this morning I did not wait.

Good Morning, Great Spirit
I welcome this day
To know You, to love You
Please show me the way

Thank You, Great Spirit
I honor this day
To know You, to love You
To walk in Your Way

I wrote this prayer early in 1998, as I faced the reality of a failed marriage and a lung cancer prognosis. (Depending on my soul heart in the moment, I interchange "Creator" or "Lord Jesus" with "Great Sprit." I changed "Please show me the way" to "You show me the way" in 2003.)

A.J. Billie, my Navajo friend and former co-worker, is its inspiration. The night of my diagnosis, I phoned needing the comfort of a trusted friend. I told her that I did not know what to do or how to get through it all. She asked me to go outside and look at the moon. "Thank the Great Spirit that you are here, and tomorrow morning go outside and look up at the sun and thank the Great Spirit that you are still here." I did exactly what she said, and that prayer rose in my heart. What I did not know was that A.J. was also ill. She died 6 months later from liver failure. Her grateful attitude inspired a prayer reminding me to pray and trust, no matter what.

Upon a New Year

2010-01-09T14:47:00.000-08:00

We count on one year ending and another beginning, our “Happy New Year” greetings heartfelt. We need the hope and challenge of a new year, with its story unwritten. We love the potential of 365 days, unfolding 24 hours at a time.

Now that 2009 is over, reflect on what you lived, including what you set out to do. Did last year’s resolutions weigh on you like a backpack of rocks or serve as wind in your sails?

Then consider what you expect from your self the next 52 weeks. How will you spend the near-6000 waking hours in 2010? Begin the new year opting to assess your behavior and decisions. We have the choice to continue as is, or to change our actions and reactions.

I believe it is worth taking the needed time to discover the impact of whatever you personally experienced in 2009—not what the world, or others, experienced—just you. Anchor your soul-heart to God’s love, and this process becomes one of healing, not one of regret or shame. (Remember that our bodies hold onto our unresolved reactions.)

2009 might feel like one of your worst. Has someone you love passed away? Did you or a loved one become unemployed or lose your house? Was some event so difficult and painful that your outlook and stamina are nearly gone?

2009 might seem your best yet. Have you had more reasons than ever to be grateful? Have your prayers been answered in ways beyond description? Did events you set in motion change you forever, in a loving, positive way?

None of us can undo what has happened, but we can change our response to what we did or did not do in 2009. We have a new year full of choices. For 2010, choose to live and love as best you can; trust in God's plan though you cannot see what will be. Resolve to pray first and make decisions second. Intend daily to live in and through God’s love… the one timeless constant.

Happy New Year!
With Love, LS Marie

Welcome to Loving Souls Pathway

2009-08-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

What a wondrous journey is life!

We are such complex and evolving beings, created as a blending beyond body, mind, and soul. The human adventure somehow combines physical/mental experiencing in so-called reality with imagination. Dr. Karl Jung asserted that imagination is the language of the soul; I believe our souls have much to say. Love is key to expand our imaginations, and to practice soul expression.

Loving Souls Pathway is a creative endeavor intending to inspire imaginations, to example soul language, and to foster soul-heart connections.